It's been awhile....

Well...it's been awhile! And I probably wouldn't be back had it not been for college essays and a sweet comment on my personal blog from one of my readers a few weeks ago. (you know who you are!) :)

I really didn't think all of these college essays would change or grow me. But they certainly have. These questions they ask really force you to look at yourself, your life, your faith, and your experiences. I wrote 2 essays this afternoon that really made me think.

The first one was actually just a 2-page essay on any topic you want. I love those essays! :) I always write about Guatemala, orphans, or adoption because those are the things i write passionately about. So as I was editing a paper I'd previously written on this very topic, I noticed I'd talked about this blog in one of the paragraphs. And it made me sad I haven't touched this blog in a long time.

The second one was about servant and leadership development. I wrote about how Christ is/was the perfect leader. He led here on the earth without fault. And the greatest component of His leadership and ministry was not that He distributed tasks, trained people well, was a great public speaker, or anything like that (though He was all of those things). The key part of His ministry was servanthood. He served with love, expecting nothing in return. So I began to wonder...how often do I do that? And let me tell you, it's not very much. Even my most humble efforts somehow get twisted by my own selfish desires and pride. I'm so darn self-righteous and it gets the best of me everytime. So what has this to do with blogging?

Well...as the title states, It's been awhile since I've written on here. And while I'd like to tell myself I don't know why, I really do. And it's mainly my own selfishness. Nothing in my heart has changed, I'm still as broken and burdened for the orphans as ever. I'm consuming post after post about different ministries on other blogs, loving every word of people actively serving the fatherless. I still love blogging, just as much as I did before (though time has really affected my ability to just sit down and blog whenever I want). But I think I just got discouraged. I knew I really didnt have that many people reading and I felt like I was running out of ideas (how absurd is that?! there's so many things we can do!). And I didn't feel like I was really making a difference.

But then I wrote about servant leadership. I wrote about how important it is to start small as God develops your heart and mind for serving and leading. I thought about how imperative it is to NOT focus on numbers. It doesn't matter how many followers you are leading. All that matters is that the heart, speech, attitude, and behavior are glorifying God. If others see even a second of it and see Christ, then my task has been completed. Anything above that, any impact I make is merely from God. So all I am called to do is live my life right here. To be a Godly daughter, a kind sister, a supportive friend, a hard-working student, a wise college applicant, and a faithful blogger who will write about God's call to the orphans. And if anyone wants to join me they may- but if not- it is STILL for God's glory.

I applaud anyone who made it through my rambling! And I'm sorry that I probably have some theology wrong or something haha. I was just trying to empty my brain and heart into readable form! :)

I'm going to work on our next challenge tonight and post it, okay?!